Whirlwind music

I know I could tell you about this, and you’d understand. I have done something very stupid, every once in a while I seek some of the music I used to listen to in such and such a time, because I liked it a lot, I used to sing along to it in the car… and even though I don’t get to drive much at all these days and the chances of singing along to music are few and far between, I missed some of this music and so I looked for it, and, woe is me! I found it. Of course, why wouldn’t I, in the internet era you no longer have to rely on that music whiz friend who could make your whole world sparkle because he got hold of a copy of “Wings of Desire” for you when they were out of print and I couldn’t find it anywhere. This is the era of ask and it shall be given and I asked and was given all these old songs, and stupidly, stupidly, I actually listened to them.
Masochistically, I say that now, but I didn’t think it at the time, I honestly thought jesus, that was long ago, it should be over now. And jesus, you know, there is so much music I no longer listen to for this reason, and it’s such a bloody shame because hey! It was a load of good music!
The only thing that would make me truly happy right now is to book a ticket for the seaside flat where nobody will be staying and stay there, under a blanket, until January. Then I would return and they would tell me what a lovely time we all had, how we got the right presents, and how every one was happy, and we had no money worries and it all went smoothly and you know what? I was there too! Such fond memories we all built together, all these people that I love very much and yet the prospect of celebrating them and seeing them is making my whole body come out in a sweat and my heart racing and my mind just does not seem to want to go anywhere, it’s frozen.
This, my friends, is called social anxiety, this is what it does to you, and knowing it does not make it better. Saying we understand and then feeling hurt because I would rather this whole month disappeared and feeling, knowing that even should I really give in and say no, listen let us skip that birthday, skip that gathering skip it all for the sake of my peace and quiet I would regret it immensely and just be really sad and it would all be bulk material to add onto all those weights that I lump onto myself when the depression strikes. So best not to let them, not to make more of those bricks! Solution?
A-ha! There is none 🙂
So, perhaps, playing the Witcher 3 might help. You never were very convincing in explaining to me why you had ruled out videogames as a form of treatment, as a form of escape. I mean you said you would get addicted and stuff, maybe that’s it. I know I have to snap out of it when I need to go and pick up my daughter so I guess that works better.
So what should I do with those songs I found and downloaded for my phone? Delete them, of course, as with all those mounds of music that have yet to find a place back into my life, no matter how much I like them.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s