Some more

I hope you’ll excuse me, if I don’t follow you back. I hope you won’t mind, if I’m not always responding, if I don’t read you all the time.

Our pal that checked out has once again in the saddest way shown why it is a good idea to stay in your happy place if you have one. I do feel the need to listen more closely to some of you who are bereaved of her presence, but I can’t try to keep up with as many as I used to.

I feel like going on Facebook and blocking 99% of the people there. I know most of the people I have there are people I’ve known, because I do try to keep it “real”, but too many of them don’t have a dog pal, none of them in England do, and the greatest majority asides from very few have any notion, nor do they care, that many people are sufferers like Ulla was, and some of those may just not make it through.

So I feel like blacking them out, so many of them, you know? How many times have I chatted with you feeling this was more real than any other chat? That you knew how I felt and I felt how you could feel more than so many others? And how many that followed you and cherished your wisdom and beauty felt exactly the same?

This is why I know, and you know, how many are left behind. You checked in on so many of us, didn’t you? To see whether we were stable enough? Whether we were ok? Generous, and thoughtful, till the end, Ulla.

I recently discovered a section of a radio I’ve begun to listen to, with all songs selected and dedicated to travel, to journeys. Some true classics, I would have definitely have the urge to share with you, and then not, remembering how music could get to you, how losing the ability to listen to music was one of your many sources of pain. Today, they almost all made me think of you, on your journey, as I like to imagine.

Ulla I won’t be able to tell you about how my climbing roses are growing so prettily, and will soon spread over the top, and how I can see them from my kitchen window as I wash endless dishes. Ulla you didn’t wait. I knew you wouldn’t, I felt it, in the way you didn’t respond at my repeated invitation, at my request, once again, to please just wait a little longer. Wait till we can get together, wait till I’ve met you.

Because you were truly special, truly lovely, and much as we all get it, and understand, I can’t help but selfishly wish you could’ve waited just a little more.

Travel safe mate

 

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