A few weeks ago, I rubbed my dog’s tummy and found he had a big oval lump, the size of a loaf of bread, in it. He’d had plenty of lumps before, fatty lumps the vet said, nothing to worry about. This was different, as it felt very big, and very hard.
Well I got him booked in, of course I had to wait till the new month so my husband’s salary could come in. We went yesterday, the vet at first couldn’t find it. I was so relieved, I could no longer find it either. I thought ahhaha it must just have been his ribcage then! How silly of me.
I knew I was fooling myself. I know what I felt. But for a moment there I thought ah well it will have just gone. When the vet first saw Zoom and I told her he was eleven she ooh’d in surprise: he such a healthy-looking well looked after dog. He is strong, my dog, although lately he’s been having shorter walks, getting tired more easily, not quite jumping as he used to. Of course, everyone said, he’s just old. But I knew there was something else.
In any case, the vet, being a good vet, was not convinced and decided that if I had felt something, there probably was something. So she checked again. She thought she felt something and went immediately serious. Called in senior vet and he found it too. Scan? Go right ahead, I said. She came back out. She wasn’t smiling anymore. It was exactly what I thought: a tumour, well defined, large. We found it in time, she said, because it’s clearly not affecting him yet, asides from being tired and slowed down. It does seem to not have (not sure I’m using the right words here) disintegrated and causing pain etc. He seems to think it’s just part of him. But either we tackle it now, or we leave it there and it could start affecting him in two days, as it could start affecting him in two years.
I told her it was exactly what I thought, I said the fact that it’s so well defined is good right? We can just take it out. She said maybe, we have to investigate to see, it depends which organ it is affecting. I told her my worry that although as she pointed out, Zoom is very healthy and strong for his age, I was worried that another operation would make him sink suddenly. She said that was definitely a risk.
We tested his blood, to see if it had already affected the main organs. She called me (bless her) at 8 in the evening to say the bloods were absolutely fine, he is in that respect a very healthy dog. He did have less red globules than he should and that might be linked to all the black masses she saw in the scan (which I initially thought with horror was the tumour, but she said it was blood clots, apparently not problematic in themselves, which is why a biopsy can’t be performed, as going in with a needle might cause bleeding).
So here we are. Zoom has been booked in for “investigation” on Monday. By investigation they mean he will be in total anaesthetic, and they will open him up. Because it was me who had found this thing first I’ve had time to prepare my mind for this. I let the awareness of what all this means for Zoom sink in slowly. I now am going to be fully focused on “charging” him with energy, what others would call reiki, what I do without need to do anything except focus solely on him. Anybody who’s ever had any love for this big burly doggy can help, if they want to, by visualising strength and healing towards him: you don’t need to “believe” in anything. I can’t really stop and think about it or I melt down, but I also won’t be able to think of much else. I will try and bury myself in work this weekend.
And don’t worry, he hasn’t lost any of his spirit, he is still very much the dog he has always been, and he’s not in any pain and he’s very much his usual happy, funny dogself.
Qualche settimana fa ho sentito una grossa cosa ovale e molto dura nel pancione di Zoom. Ieri l’ho portato dal veterinario e lei me l’ha confermato, dopo un’ecografia: ha un grosso tumore, che sembra essere ben compatto e quindi speriamo facilmente rimovibile. Lunedi faremo un'”investigazione”: anestesia totale, aprire zoomone per vedere che diavolo e’, a che organi si e’ attaccato eccetera. Il prelievo di sangue per vedere se gli organi principali fossero stati toccati erano perfetti. Ci sono quindi ottimi auspici che esca dall’operazione bene. Il mio timore e’ che e’ vero che Zoom ha impressionato anche la veterinaria per quanto fosse in ottima salute considerando l’eta’, ma e’ comunque anziano e come tutti quelli che lo conoscono sanno, non ama gli stravolgimenti della sua pacifica vita. Quindi ecco il mio timore che prima ancora che si possa agire sul tumore, Zoom viva male l’operazione stessa.
Questo weekend lo passero’ dedicata solo a caricarci, sia io che lui, di energia per afrontare l’operazione Lunedi. Chi lo ama da lontano, se volete mandargli taaanta carica, forza, e coraggio, fatelo per favore. Non c’e’ bisogno di “credere” a nulla. Mandate solo pensieri positivi a Zoom. Ok ora devo proprio smettere.
State tranquilli, sta felice e benone adesso, rimane esattamente il cane che e’ sempre stato. Un pascia’.