Ok fine, it’s not from a baby, it’s from the guy that assessed me a while back.
It says: “Thank you for referring this patient to CMHT. I saw Billy for assessment on 11/09/15, I have discussed the clinical presentation with Clinical Psychologist, C., on 14/09/15
It was felt that there was no indication of further assessment for bipolar disorder but that Billy’s problems were more associated with attachment issues and subsequent problems with emotional regulations. I discussed the case with T on 17/09/15 and it was agreed that I should refer back to your service with a mind to EMDR.”
So well that’s good, I am not getting completely abandoned. However, I went to look up this EMDR, and started almost sobbing between reading Phase II and Phase III. Oh that’s going to be so much fun. I can see myself running like the wind and saying “I don’t need this, I don’t need this!” with my hand in the air until I smack against a lamppost.
In the meantime, it is decision time. My husband’s had to buy a new computer, so the pressure I already felt on myself to get a job I’d actually get paid regularly for has gone up. He said I don’t need to but I don’t see how having 50 pounds a month more to take out every month out of a budget that barely covered main expenses is going to work. Of course, new computer means he’ll be able to freelance more. Much as we both love the stuff he does (he has been illustrating a Game of Thrones book and now a pack of cards) it just doesn’t feel fair. He comes back from work and starts working again.
So, I could:
a) give myself a break and just chill until my next book comes in for translation (Probably middle October), and keep hoping the author of the previous book will pay me one day. In the meantime, finish The Witcher story.
b) Buy some silver with next pay check and force myself to get into the habit of going out to the shed and resume my silver ring making or other type of jewellery.
c) Look for part-time work and just stock on up an anxiety pills and go out and interact with people again.
d) Look into a Masters Degree, perhaps online to save me the stress of travel, for either Creative Writing or Translation just to complement and refresh my translation skills, or psychology out of a lifelong interest.
e) Apply for the counselling degree, with should open up jobs at the end. But do I really want to be a counsellor? Ahhh yes, that’s the problem. I only read cards and become a good caring counsellor when I care … Unfortunately there is a truth: that people are people no matter what their disorder is (or isn’t!). Cool people are still cool with bipolar, and assholes are still assholes with or without bipolar. A depressed person who is incredibly interesting in herself is interesting, but a depressed person who is just depressed and offers no other points of interest in her personality is just a pain (I can say this, I am a depressed person!). That’s the problem. No matter how much you learn about any disorder, physical or otherwise, there is the actual person below: if you like them, they’re worth fighting for, if they’re not, they’re just not! That’s my main problem, I think, in becoming a counsellor: I don’t like everybody.
I’d have to have a private practice where you are assessed and if you are found worthy of my time and attention, I’ll give my all to help you get better, but if I don’t like you it’s off to my colleague with you!
So yeah, I realise this may sound very nasty, but this place is like a confessional to me, I have to be honest or I won’t make any sense of all the ins and outs and lefts and rights that happen in my brain.
So, I shall dwell on those matters as I level up Geralt a little more, and see where the island of Skellige has to offer. If you have no idea what The Witcher is, have a gander at this excessively funny Conan appraisal.