Yesterday I received this letter, which left me to ponder. I’ll tackle it today.
Dear Gilda (not your real name I know)
I am most certainly not a priest as I do not like to judge. But I think you do!
Perhaps arrogance is your sin, if you must have one.
Your husband sounds like a great person who just isn’t perfect for you, in fact, he makes your real essence feel stifled.
Nobody wants that, nobody should put up with that. But as you yourself say, it is not him that stifles you, it is you who stifles herself.
YOU have limitations: you cannot find the right place or the right time or the right people to talk to. You could write, you could find people to talk online, being as you are blessed with the powers of technology. But more importantly you could read. Read about all the people who crave love, in any form. Who don’t have friends, or partners. Read about those who have lost their soulmates who, I’m sure, weren’t perfect either! Then picture yourself without him. Visibly, poignantly, do without him. Feel that cold, feel that smell of antiseptic cleaner instead of the smell of his skin.
I am positive that you will know that you do not want to be without him.
Having established that, learn to free yourself from yourself. You’re your only cager.
There are sooomany people out there that are seeking the same: dialogue, and sharing. Do it!
Don’t blame him for what you don’t do. Don’t blame yourself for what you can’t do. Sit and let the rain stop, then go home to him, like my cats did yesterday (at the end of the post).
I hope that helps,
you may write again as many times as you need to hear a reminder of this.