This is a gorgeous picture of a gorgeous window of some gorgeous place in Hong Kong (ok, maybe a restaurant) where we went when I was around 5 and we lived in new Zealand. That is the window I’d like to walk through every day when I come home. Or the window I’m facing as I tap away on my computer.
In my life, I have struggled on a constant and very exhausting basis to achieve the exact window I wanted to look at, and through. I fought constantly to get exactly what I wanted. I very rarely got it. It is interesting to see that the closest thing to perfect in my life are those things I knew from the start (or decided from the start) I could have no control over: my pets, and my children.
Of course I tried, even with them, sometimes. Sometimes I would despair with my dog’s anarchic nature, or my son’s terrifying penchant for danger. Even my other son’s hypersensitivity would worry me sometimes, and my daughter’s stubbornness still does. But hey, those are all aspects I have abundantly had myself. And, looking back, despite my trips to counsellors and doctors, despite the medication and the suicide attempts, in the end I am left someone who is extremely aware of herself. My defects, many, my good sides, a few good ones, all of me. A few better friends than anyone could ever hope for and my fat fat share of disappointments. What the hell.
We are all millions of people doing the best we can with what we’ve got. No more, no less. Sure I’d like to work behind that gorgeous window, but this wall in front of me and the black cat pissing in her tray noisily next to me and the big dog’s tongue liking his haunches aren’t that bad either.
Plus, soon, we’ll be joining my slightly imperfect but very lovable husband and moving near here:
So what’s not to love.