Things happen. Life goes on at a much different pace for which I am very grateful, having begged for it in the past for so long. The other day, however, whilst reading Tom’s Midnight Garden, I read about how you used to, on very frosty winters, be able to ice-skate all the way from Castleford to Ely and all the way down to the sea.
The image was the most fascinating one charging me with the greatest bit of sighing since I went to Sigtuna to visit a Swedish friend and he showed me where al the ancient Viking kings were buried and how they used to be able to go across the lake that used to freeze over to… very far.
As should have been predicted, both the people I told laughed and said how much cooler it was to have lots of buildings and a motorway.
Sure a couple of days later one them, scorning me further, said of course they were joking. But still I didn’t get to dream about it, picture it.
It made me think.
I realised how long I’ve been searching not for people who would like me and accept me as I am (come to think of it, most people in my life have!) but people who are actually a bit more LIKE me. The constant struggle to be liked and loved has meant that I more often than not would lose sight of the fact that actually, the real problem for me was that I kind of liked the way I was… it was just lonely out there. And as a result, of course, the times I met anybody who seemed to get excited about the same things I got excited about, rather than just think, at best, that the things I got excited about made me”cute”, were my happiest times.
Productive thinking.
A friend of mine thought he’d screen out potential partners by saying how he found a word funny, just be its sound, and if she found it funny too, he;’d know there was potential there.
So what should I think about the fact that many people don’t get me/like me (fair enough), many people love me/accept me/cherish me for what I am, but very few people get excited about the same things as I get excited about?
I don’t feel bitter or sad about it, just thoughtful.


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