To be or not to be, to belong or not to belong, it’s not about what we want, it’s about how it feels. Sometimes you feel like you belong so much you couldn’t possibly leave them, any of them, whoever you feel you belong with., then sometimes you feel so alienated and you realise it was never real. It’s an instant, a passing moment, and in that passing moment alone you realise the futility of all your sense of belonging.
I am lucky.
Despite the pill (I saw a t-shirt recently, in a stupid web ad: “I used to care, now I take a pill for that”), despite the moments of crazy and the moments of huge doubt and the ,moments of horrendous clarity, I still feel that in most cases my angry fight against compromise has seen me come out the winner, and I can claim I see truth of feeling in more people than most can count themselves lucky enough to have around.
Truth is no small mater. We don’t need the truth about life and death, as the knight in the Seventh Seal desperately wants to have, we just need to strive to find truth in our everyday life. That is already quite a journey, a never-ending one.