Bitter Aftertaste

I have my blog digests this morning, and I was kind of musing about how we were, how we fought to get ourselves to be better, much better people. How some people seem to succeed more than others in that tabula rasa process, which then, hopefully, brings us to a new, sin-free (not forgiven, not forgotten, but really really trying) person. A better person.
Some people seem more methodical about leaving old selves behind. More determined. I, like Dace that I am reposting, sometimes have moments where if I look too deep into what i’m doing, I feel I will never ever get out of that black hole that was me. But it isn’t true. It is just a momentary lapse, I am fitter (though certainly fatter), happier, more productive. The danger is when you look back to an old self and you feel it wasn’t so bad. When that old self rears its head up proudly and says “You will not erase me completely. I will remain alive!”. That’s the dangerous part and hopefully I’ll keep patting it condescendingly and saying yes yes now get back into that stable, atta girl.
Ah well anyway, Dace completed my morning thoughts and then helped me conclude them, so I thought I’d repost her.

The Long Way Home

It is hard to get rid of old beliefs and emotional habits especially if they show up once in a blue moon and do not stay long enough to cause serious grief.

These beliefs might create a bit of emotional discomfort but they usually disappear faster than they show up. The reason one doesn’t acknowledge them is: first, we choose not to; second, there is no need; third: we are not even aware of their existence.

When you look at a larger picture, these little occurrences are insignificant and you just do not give a penny about it. However, if you take a plunge and look at all those little episodes at once, then “I will be damned” situation reveals itself.

And, yes, I did take a plunge the other day and I was not impressed with myself.

There is always something in our past that we want to forget…

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One thought on “Bitter Aftertaste

  1. “…sometimes have moments where if I look too deep into what i’m doing, I feel I will never ever get out of that black hole that was me..” I hear you, I so hear you. Sometimes those plunges are just a bit too deep and end not with a decision to end this mess but with being sucked back into the emotional turmoil.

    Like

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