3 dec 2011

I was just trying to say, that if you agreed that it would be a nice idea you would help me find a solution, or at the very least you would hear what I was talking about (the strangeness of not finding a direct train). Also, I had just told you the combined price of the most expensive things, and they came to 40 + 18 pounds. All we needed to remain within the 80 pounds was to see how much we could not spend on food and transport. But you didn’t even let me fiish my thought, you hadn’t (apparently) heard what i had told you so far, you just wanted to say that you thought it would cost at least double 80 pounds… which by what I had just told you was already not necessarily true!

I was saying that if you were already set against the whole thing, there wasn’t any point me telling you about it, because you weren’t open to listening. I was saying that, as you had just proven, by not having jheard what I’d already said about the pricing so far that you hadn’t listened.

I didn’t treat you badly or with disrespect. I promised not to treat you badly, and I wasn’t! I was merely saying that if you are set against the idea there was no point discussing it with you. This is not treating you badly. It is true of most people, even me! If I am dead set against something it is quite difficult to tell me it’s a good idea. It is true of most people! It wasn’t a criticism of you, it wasn’t said in a bad way, it was just saying there was no point in doing anything about this, because, I know you enough to know that if you thought something was a good idea at all, you would help, and listen, and take part.

I resent being treated like that, it kills me everytime, and I left because I was hurt and upset by what you said. I am not and will never be “a wife”, and if you really think that trying to work out a day out we had promised your aunt and rebecca many weeks ago is being a rompipalle, I certainly don’t want to be your wife. I seriously don’t know how many more of these things from you I can handle, I love you and wish things were different but it doesn’t look like they are. I am NOT a rompipalle. I can be an optimist and like to try to achieve things that other see as impossible. I think that is an endearing quality of mine. I don’t think it’s a horrible thing of me. I don’t mind realising that I can’t do something, but I like to look into that possibility. With you, I can only do that if it’s something that you had already thought about, or that involved doing something you liked. Don’t get mad about this I just said: i know it may just be my impression and my biased opinion, but this is how it feels. I am saying all this in peace. I am trying to tell you what things you do that hurt me and kill my spirit, without getting angry. I never was, angry, today and I never meant to mistreat you in any way. I merely was saying something that is true for anybody, and not even in a polemic way. I was just going to go and leave it, because it’s not something I felt strong enough to do without your help, and if you were dead set against it `I knew you wouldn’t help me, that’s whjy I was going to say that and just leave the whole thing.

If you hadn’t said what you said I would have just carried o doing the other things I was doing ad we’d have started the day normally.



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