On friends and family

I have just come back from the station, where I dropped off my soul brother, my Swedish friend B. He recently moved back to Britain from Sweden, also through my own encouragement as he was getting  a little “too” isolated up there. He doesn’t live next door so I only managed to see him twice or thrice at most since he moved back down here. Him, my husband and I, watched, upon his recommendation, Gamers and Gamers: Dorkness Rising. They were extremely funny, though I’d suspect only to those of us who used to play D&D. But, if you never played and never want to play, you’re kind of less interesting as a person anyway, so. (;))

For those in the know, it was quite funny sitting between two Dungeon Masters, they saw them from their point of view and I from the Whiny Player’s. ’twas fun.

We feel the same about many things. Many important things. We disagree on plenty, plenty of others. We have lived/live very different lives. We have different temperaments, different political views. But he is as precious to me as my children, in fact, in an odd way, more, as children will grow up and leave and have their own lives, they may or may not relate to me on a deeper level when they’re all grown up. But my friend and I are linked for life, we are family. His core and mine will always find each other: should they not, it means one of us has given up and died inside. I share that feeling with other friends, and I always look for that in new friends. Some will share that with you as long as they have you in front of them, some need to be poked and pushed, some bullied into showing you, some need a rest for a few years, some need you not to remind them of who they are. I felt I needed to talk to someone, wondered whether I’d be able to talk to him. But I didn’t. I just needed him around a couple of days and already feel better, replendished, some of my questions answered, without us having talked much at all.

A true friend, like some members of your family, knows your core, and holds it dear, precious, regardless of what the rest of your body and social persona does with itself. The difference between a friend and a member of your family, is that a true friend is aware of that, and actually cares. Your family member may perceive who you are through the advantage of a common history, of shared experiences, and not like it so much.

Caring doesn’t mean necessarily acting upon it, it doesn’t mean constantly seeing each other, constantly phoning each other. It doesn’t mean anything but that, caring. And the knowledge that someone will always CARE about you is as precious as it can be, and should never be dismissed, should never be underestimated, should never be forgotten.

Another dear friend says we do not possess a core. We are what we are according to people and circumstances. Of course he may be right and I may be wrong but haven’t seen anything to prove that vision to me. On the contrary, he is very different today outwardly than he was when I first met him, I couldn’t share with him what he did when I first met him not can I share much of what he does now, we have little in common by now… so if it’s not his core I care about, what is it? Why is he still precious?

If you are reading and wonder whether you know anyone who cares about you that intimately, that deeply, remember nobody can love that part of you if you don’t show it. Some people will see it anyway, but not everybody is that discerning, and some of you are damn good at hiding your soul’s yearnings. Some people may see it, but just wait for an excuse to interact with it. But in any case, interacting with those who do not see it, do not wish to see it, or do not care much for it, is just not worth your while. Life’s too short and scary for that.

 

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