Of God and sex – Part 1

I was the daughter of two… Bohemian parents. My mum wasn’t too keen on my arrival and my dad was enthusiastic and fun with us, when he was with us, which was quite rarely. My mum was never really there (good for her! she was golfing, or at friends’ or who knows where). I believe I was babysat by my sister and might have had others of some sort, but mostly I remember roaming alone. And I mean seriously roaming: when I was 10-11 and in Arequipa, Peru, I would go for hours in the fields and in the city, getting on buses to unknown destinations, with or without my dog, Churro. To think of it now, as a parent, it gives me the shivers. I would mostly walk alone even in Caracas, Venezuela, before Peru. I was there from age 6 to 10. I once met a guy outside my 24-story apartment building that attracted me to his car and offered me a bon-bon, a round ball of chocolate that I actually adored, on top of his penis. I declined. I remember perfectly my first definite sexual arousal. I was 7 and playing hide and seek, and I desperately wished I could be hiding with my friend’s 15-year-old brother, and I had no idea what was supposed to happen (I think), but I still remember feeling hot for him and imagining the sex and if I remember it today I’d say I had a pretty accurate idea. I went to call his little brother at home but all I really wanted was for his older brother to notice me. But he didn’t, though I’m sure he must have known something was odd about this little girl. God, the god I spoke to constantly at the time, wasn’t angry with me for this. We spoke of all sorts of other things, asked for other people to be happy, asked for who knows what. He listened I was sure and I was sure he responded to me. You see, my parents never really “taught” me religion. God was just there and though I never ever believed in all the hullabaloo around my concept of god (church, priests’ authority, etc.), I was absolutely positive and sure of his existence and Jesus and all that. A South American soap opera named “Celeste” where a young girl spoke to God might also have played a part. I never did find out if the soap opera ended with her ascending to Heaven or whether she was interned for lunacy. My profile pic is me being an Angelito, a little angel accompanying those who did the Communion. I did the Communion too, the following year. Even then, I remember thinking how odd it was that they were going through all this trouble doing things they considered to be related to god, while I knew he was just an easy laid back guy. Still, each to his own, I thought.

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