I was impressed with the posts I read in this page: “A celebration of self-delusion”, it calls it. They are brilliantly written, funny and ever so smart. They more or less de-construct our self-delusions (our feelings of self-righteousness, our feelings of love, even, for family, friends and lovers) and therefore, actually, the website does not celebrate self-delusion at all. It destroys our self-delusions, and offers no solution to how to deal with the aftermath of our shattered illusions, assuming you are not self-deluded enough to prevent it to shatter them.
I dealt with the shattering, fortunately enough, with a session at the pub with friends. However, as good as the evening was, the rest of Life still looms before me and I have no idea what to do with it.
Richard Dawkins makes no money from me: I don’t believe in any religious dogma and so he doesn’t challenge me, nor do I live, like him, to insist on de-constructing religion or anything else: I agree religion should be banned from influencing any political decisions, the law, or public good, but once you make it a private affair (and that can be done by changing the laws, very simply really) I really couldn’t care less what anyone believes in. So, I don’t buy his books (which, oddly enough, are selling LOADS more now than before he started his crusade against religion, is it therefore safe to wonder whether he, like many religion-exploiting people, is making money out of religion? hmm….)
So: the “not so smart” website seems to be (I haven’t read ALL of it yet, nor have I bought the book I’m afraid) telling me clearly that I should revert to my original state which was always: I am not much by myself, not very complicated. My ideas are mostly NOT my own, they are changeable according to who I have in front of me and what serves me best in that moment, my life experience at the moment and so on. It was an unhappy life when that was ingrained in me, and I had to live among people. When you have lots of people around and thus have to change who you are and what you believe in every other half an hour, life is tough.
She (As you Desire Me, by Pirandello, download an English version here, if you’re Italian and haven’t read it yet SHAME ON YOU!) goes through enough trouble, but she’s got only two relatively well-rounded “identities” to deal with.
I liked, the few moments in my life they lasted, anybody who would tell me about me. It didn’t matter whether it was astrology, a guru, the guy cleaning the stairs or a friend, someone I met on the train. I loved it without the slightest scorn: yes please tell me who I am. Of course I would forget what he or she said when she got off the train/changed rooms/changed life, but it was fun till it lasted.
“Not so smart guy” should have REALLY done a “celebration of self-delusion”, because without self-delusion, the only thing we have left is “stop thinking [hence what? meditation, drinking, drugging, unless you are a man who apparently (a Radio 4 programme said) can have no data running through your brain at any given point, lucky bastard?] or “conveniently-selecting-which-delusion-removing-thought-pattern-to-favour” or, ah yes, “forgetting”.
If one of these is not done, in theory, you de-construct further, and further, and further, until the only possible path left is utter isolation from humankind (assuming you’d want to be real and not self-deluded about ANYTHING) (oh and animal kind too because actually dogs don’t really “care” about you, you know? No, neither do cats, they just “own” you).
A friend tells me [though he said this while conveniently tipsy and surrounded by people he (we hope) likes] “what’s left when you remove any self-delusion is REALITY! Reality is good!”
Well that’s partly what I intend to find out by attempting to keep this blog as “real” as possible. We’ll see, if reality really is that good. And whether reality without self-delusion is in any way liveable, or merely survivable.